Twenty Twelve
by Oceanewave
Summary: Natsu watches as Gray fusses around the bedroom, clearly searching for something. He has this riddle in the middle of his forehead, his brows are furrowed, and his lips are pressed in a faint line, meaning that he's getting impatient and Natsu can't help but smile a little at that. Does Gray have any idea of how beautiful he is?


Originally posted on Ao3 ( same username); for a request on Tumblr (ft-stories-lgbt)

* * *

_"Maybe I'll stay right here_

_Maybe I'll keep this mind_

_Maybe I'll live in this moment forever_

_Maybe I'll speak to you_

_Maybe I'll walk this line_

_Maybe I'll adjust to adjusting together"_

Matt Maeson-Twenty Twelve

Natsu watches as Gray fusses around the bedroom, clearly searching for something. He has this riddle in the middle of his forehead, his brows are furrowed, and his lips are pressed in a faint line, meaning that he's getting impatient and Natsu can't help but smile a little at that.

Does Gray have any idea of how beautiful he is? Natsu wonders, making himself more comfortable on the bed while making sure he could always follow Gray with his eyes. It's kind of unfair to him because even if he asked himself this question every day, he also already has the answer. Gray obviously has no idea and doesn't believe it no matter how many times Natsu tries to tell him.

He told him once before they were dating, and Gray just scoffed, rolling his eyes, as if Natsu had said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

He told him again when they were dating, Gray deflected the subject on Natsu immediately after. He hadn't said anything but Natsu clearly see through his little game.

He told him a third time after their first night together. Gray had his eyes closed, pretending he was asleep and didn't hear anything. Natsu let it go.

He told him a few more times after that, but each time it was brushed off as if it was nothing.

And he has the words on the tip of his tongue now, as he sees the ruffled hair on his boyfriend's head, the pillow mark on one of his cheek and the sleepy eyes, still searching for whatever Gray has his mind.

He wants to say it. So bad.

But he won't.

Not yet.

"Can you help me find my shirt, Natsu?"

His voice startles him for a moment, and Natsu is afraid that he has let the words slip out of his mouth, but then he registers what Gray said, and he relaxes a bit.

Gray is looking at him expectantly, clearly waiting for an answer, but Natsu's lips don't seem to work as his eyes meet with the dark blue ones.

There's something about the mornings that make them even more beautiful, Natsu thinks. They're not tainted by some pain or agitation yet. They are just shining with -what Natsu likes to think of- joy. It's endearing, and Natsu finds himself falling for the mage a little more each time. Because those eyes give him hope, make him believe that no matter what happens they're happy together, and that Natsu didn't fail him, even when later during the day, his eyes turn a little sadder.

"Natsu?"

He blinks at the call of his name, he can see the concern on Gray's face, and he feels a little dumb at this. The shining in his eyes is slowly going away.

"You know as much as I want to... I don't want to," He finally answers.

Gray sighs and turns around, searching for his shirt again, and this time Natsu lets his eyes fall on the pale skin, covered with scars on some places. His hands are not touching him, but he can feel the softness and the tenderness of his body against his fingertips. Natsu is sure he'll never get enough of this feeling, and the urge to really touch his boyfriend catch up to him, as he gets off the bed and walks towards the other man. He places a hand on the small of his back, turning Gray's attention to him. He doesn't give Gray the time to say anything and plants a chaste kiss on the smooth lips. He can feel how Gray instantly melts against him, he can hear as the Ice mage's heart goes a little faster. He could spend all day living this moment.

He parts away from the kiss and brings his other hand to Gray's face, brushing a strand of hair out of it.

"Take one of my shirts." He whispers, placing a kiss on his forehead, before heading to the bathroom.

He'll tell Gray how beautiful he is later.

* * *

They arrived at the guild together but went on their separated way shortly after. Everybody knows they are together, and they aren't exactly trying to hide it, many kisses or soft touches were exchanged around the guild, but they make a point to not entirely change their habits just because they are together. After all, Gray had, for a long time, been a lonely wolf, who likes to be on his own space sometimes, and Natsu always loved talking to everyone and use up his energy. They keep an eye on the other while doing their own things.

Natsu's eyes follow Gray, as he makes his way toward the bar where he claims a seat and orders a drink from Mira. He's wearing one of Natsu's shirt, just like he told him to do. The fabric is nothing but normal, a simple black shirt, but somehow this is enough to make Natsu's inside doing weird pleasant things.

"Is everything alright, Natsu?" comes a voice.

Natsu jumps a little as his gaze falls on Lucy's frame. She has a warm smile on her lips, although her brown eyes are slightly shaded with concern.

"Y-Yeah, everything's fine," he says.

She looks at him suspiciously for a moment before nodding and sliding an arm around his to bring him over a table.

"Alright! Oh, since I've got a hold on you, I wanted to invite you and Gray over tonight? Erza already said yes, although Wendy is busy tonight, so she won't make it. I was thinking that it has been long since we have spent a whole night together, without us being on a mission or something. So, what do you think?" she asks as she sits on the bench, letting go of Natsu's arm.

He sits in front of her, his head turning over Gray for a moment; he is chatting with Mira right now, his voice soft and clear.

"Mmh, I'll have to ask Gray later, but I don't see why not. It could be nice," he answers, turning his attention back to Lucy.

"No problem! Oh, and Happy can come if he wants too. I plan to cook some fishes; I know he prefers them not cooked but I'm sure he'll like it. Erza's bringing the dessert and knowing her I guess it'll be a strawberry cake—"

Natsu misses the rest of her words as his ears catch Gray's voice again. He doesn't pay attention to what his boyfriend his saying, but his voice is comforting somehow and Natsu could spend his day just here, listening to him talking. The funny thing is, if anyone had told this to Natsu a few months ago, he would have laughed really hard. After all, them being together was kind of surreal and Natsu sometimes finds himself wondering if he's living in a dream.

There's suddenly tapping on his forehead, bringing him back in the present.

"You're not here Natsu. What's going on?" Lucy asks him gently.

"Nothing, I'm fine, don't worry," he immediately answers.

Which is not a lie. He is fine. He spent the night with the man he loves and woke up next to him; he's not feeling sick; his senses are not overwhelmed by the noises around them for once and the sunshine outside of the guild says that the day will be blessed with warmth. Everything is fine.

"You don't seem fine. You have this look in your eyes for a few days now. Whatever is going on, you can talk to me. You know that, right?"

"I don't have a look; I don't know what you're talking about."

"Natsu...you look sad."

Natsu looks at her for a moment, not finding anything to say. Lucy's been his best friend for years now. She's the one he come up to for anything and she has always been here every single time. She's the first one he told about his feelings toward Gray, she was the first to know they were together. She was the first to know everything that Natsu couldn't comprehend himself and needed some guidance on. And Natsu is thankful for it, he's not sure he would be where he is right now if it weren't for her.

"I wanted to tell Gray how beautiful he is this morning," he speaks.

This earns him a surprised look from his friend. He doesn't blame her, after all, the way he said, it is kind of confusing.

"Mmh...alright. Why didn't you do it then?"

"Because he never believes me," he simply says, while his gaze falls on the table.

The wood is burnt at some places and Natsu knows for a fact that he's probably the one responsible for it. There are also a few scratches on it, spelling some of the guild's member names.

"Oh." Lucy's voice sounds concerned, and she's silent for a few seconds before she gets up to comes to sit next to him. "Why do I feel like this is not the only thing bothering you, Natsu?"

He can feel her warmth as she presses her shoulder against his. It's comforting, so he doesn't fight the feeling and leans a little into her touch.

"Probably because it's not," he whispers.

His throat tightens after this as his eyes sting with repressed tears. He's not sure when he started feeling like this— as if something is missing; he doesn't even know he is conscious about it until Lucy asked him if he were alright.

"Natsu. What's going on?"

His gaze trails to where Gray is sitting like it always does at some point. He is still talking to Mira, though Cana has joined them now.

"Do you think...he loves me? Like I love him too?"

"Of course, he loves you, what are you talking about? Hasn't he said it enough for you to register it by now?" Comes the immediate answer.

And this makes him laugh a little because he forgot for a moment that of all the things, he had told Lucy until now, he never shared this little information.

"That's the thing, Luce. He has never said it," he says as he turns back to the blonde, his olive eyes shimmering with tears. "I tell him he's beautiful, he scoffs. I tell him I'm happy to be with him and he laughs. I tell him I love him, and he only kisses me until we make love and we fall asleep."

"Oh, Natsu..."

There are arms around him, and it feels like he's with Igneel again, he feels so safe and for a moment he forgets where he is as he lets the tears roll down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Natsu," Lucy murmurs into his ear. "You know Gray longer than me, and you know how difficult he can get when he has to deal with his feelings. But Natsu...Gray loves you. I can see it in the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking. He loves you; he just needs time to say it."

He's not sure if what Lucy is telling him is making him feel better, or if it made everything hurt more. Because why would Gray need time to tell him how he feels when they spend all of their days together; when they find comfort in each other presence at night? Why would he need time to share his own love for him when they talked about moving together a few days ago?

Everything is frustrating and he feels like he's suffocating, so he frees himself of Lucy's arms, brushing the tears away with his hands.

"I... I'm going for a walk, don't talk to anyone about this. If Gray searches for me tell him...tell him I went for some errands or something. I'll see you tonight, Luce," he leaves a kiss on her forehead before heading outside.

He doesn't miss the confused sound that slips out of Lucy's lips, and the quiet call of his name, but he doesn't look back.

* * *

He spent his day sitting on a tree, by the river where Gray and he used to come and fight. He didn't do anything but watch as people come and go near the water and before he knew, the night was slowly taking over the day.

Sighing he jumps off the tree and makes his way towards Lucy's place. He knows that there's probably going to have some questioning about where he was all day. Gray would certainly ask why he didn't come to him to say he was leaving, but as Natsu comes closer to Lucy's house he finds out that he doesn't really care.

This whole day took a toll on him and he ends up feeling more confused than he was in the beginning and he figures that at some point, he'll have to talk about it, mainly with Gray. But he also knows that right now is not the moment, so he puts all of the things he has in mind in a corner until he'll find the good time to let it all out.

When he arrives at the front door of Lucy's house, he takes a moment before his fist meets gently with the wood, knocking. He has his best smile on his lips when the door opens, and his gaze falls on Gray who is looking at him with a mix of relief and anger.

"Where were you all day, flame brain? You could have said something to me before you disappeared!"

"Aw, were you worried?" Natsu asks before making his way in the house.

Erza is putting the table, while Lucy turns on a little radio, so the air could be filled with some music. He spots Happy sitting by the window, chewing on some food that Lucy probably gave him.

"Natsu! I was starting to get worried! Where were you?" Erza questions.

And Natsu is about to tell her it's none of her business before he remembers who asked the question and answering this would probably prevent him from seeing another day. But before he comes up with some excuses, Lucy calls Erza in the kitchen, requiring her help.

Shortly after, he can feel an arm sliding around his waist, a kiss pressed to his cheek.

"Seriously, where have you been?" Gray asks once more.

Natsu closes his eyes at the feeling of Gray chest against his back. He can't deny that he missed this kind of contact between them, even if it was only for one day.

"I was by the river," he answers honestly. What's the point of lying to the man he loves when Gray could tell the truth from the lie anyway.

"You only go there alone when something's wrong," Gray points out. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to rest today. And it was calmer by the river. I fell asleep and didn't see the time pass."

He can tell that Gray is not entirely convinced by what he is saying but he doesn't press the matter as he gives him one more kiss on the cheek before joining the girls who just sat at the table.

The dinner went by smoothly, everyone laughing, happy to have the opportunity to spend a night together without worrying about some random mission or a threat. Natsu finds himself relaxed a little bit at the atmosphere. Gray's sitting right next to him, a hand on his thigh, Lucy and Erza are in front of them, while Happy is sleeping on the couch to their right, and for a moment it feels like everything is alright.

Lucy gets up from her chair to get rid of the dishes on the table to bring them in the kitchen and Gray promptly helps her with it. He smiles as he watches the two mages bickering over a silly thing Gray just said, just to annoy the blonde, like he usually does. But he can also feel Erza's eyes on him, so he doesn't keep his attention on the two, and turns his gaze toward the scarlet mage.

"If you want to say something, just say it Erza."

"I saw you at the guild with Lucy today. You didn't look fine. Then you disappeared and I know you lied to Gray earlier, what's going on?" She quickly asks.

And Natsu nearly laughs at this, because of course, Erza would notice something.

"I didn't lie, and nothing is going on Erza. You don't have to worry—"

"I saw you crying in Lucy's arms and when you left you were shaking. I know something is wrong. You can talk to me."

The fire mage smiles a little at this, his eyes soften as he looks at Erza. He can clearly see how worried she is about him.

"It's nothing you have to worry about Er'. I promise. It's all fine...or rather it will be."

Erza only sighs and nods. He knows that she's not satisfied with his answer, but he also knows that she won't pry and just trust him with whatever is going on with is life. And he is thankful for this, for her.

He gets up of his chair and takes the bottle of water still on the table.

"Thank you, Erza," he whispers but he knows she has heard him, thanks to the smile that is slowly appearing on her lips.

And it's all it takes for him to feel a little better and he makes his way towards the kitchen. He is about to enter the room when the words exchanged between Gray and Lucy come to his ears.

"...Gray, you have to talk to him at some point, you know? He is my best friend and I'm tired of seeing him this miserable. These days he's barely himself. Even Erza came to me earlier asking me what was going on with him."

"I know, I know, but it's so complicated. Every time I want to tell him it's like my mouth doesn't know how to work anymore and my brain just says, "fuck this up" and I end up screwing everything. I know it hurts him...I can see it; I just don't know what to do. I wanted this to be special for him like it is every time he says it to me."

Natsu can feel his heart beating a little faster against his ribcage, as he registers and understands the words that are being said.

"Every morning when I wake up, I look at him and all I see is how much he loves me and he's not afraid to show it to me. He is always everywhere I look. And I'm so thankful for this because for the first time it feels that the happiness, I'm experiencing with him is something I can finally enjoy because I deserve it. But I feel like he deserves so much better than me. I'm broken and he has so much strength in him, it feels like I'm dragging him down every time. I love him, Lucy… I love him so much and it scares the hell out of me. I just...I just don't want to taint him with my flaws."

Gray's voice breaks at the end and Natsu wants to come in and tell him he's being stupid and that he doesn't want anyone else but him, and that he loves him too, but the soft voice of Lucy prevents him from doing it.

"Love is a scary thing, Gray, I won't deny it. But it's also a beautiful thing to experience and you're lucky enough to have found someone who loves you dearly for who you are. I will not let you mess everything up because you're scared. Tell him you love him. This is what he deserves, this what he wants, this what he would like to be taint with. Just tell him how you feel."

"Alright...I'll try."

For what it feels like the hundredth time, Natsu can't help but feel grateful for Lucy. She always has the right words with people, and he would have hugged her if it weren't for the fact that this would betray his presence, and he knew better than to do this while Gray thought it was safe enough for him to talk to Lucy. So, he makes as many noises as he can as he finally enters the room, a big smile on his lips.

"What is taking you so long? Erza is going to eat all the cake by herself if you two keep taking your time with those damn dishes!"

He places the empty bottles of water in a corner of the kitchen as Lucy laughs a little.

"She brought two cakes, I'm pretty sure one of them is entirely for herself anyway."

There's a soft smile on Gray's lips now as he looks at his lover, and Natsu expected to see some sadness in his eyes as he always does, but this time they're full of some warmth and a feeling Natsu can't quite place.

And it eases the pain in his heart.

* * *

They went home an hour after this. Erza decided to stay a little longer at Lucy's, but Gray was practically sleeping on the table at some point so Natsu thought it was best for them to go. Not wanting to disturb the little exceed, Natsu lets him at his best friend house, he would come back tomorrow to pick him up.

They were currently walking in the streets of Magnolia, arms hooked up together. The silence between them was comfortable as Natsu leans against the Ice mage's shoulder, taking advantage of their height difference to rest his head on it.

Since he heard the exchange between Gray and Lucy, Natsu's mind was going wild. Every time that Gray opened his mouth to say something, the first thing that came into his mind was that he was finally going to say the words he desperately wanted to hear, only to be disappointed when it turns out that it was random questions or comments. He knows he shouldn't be impatient about this, but he is not known for being calm and collected, so the next things he knew, the words slip out of his mouth.

"Gray… those things you said earlier...Did you mean them?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

Natsu silently curses himself, obviously Gray will know about the eavesdropping, but he already started to voice his thoughts out loud so he might as well continue on this path.

"When you told Lucy, you loved me… I heard everything. Did you mean them?" he asks again.

He can feel the way the body next to his is suddenly going stiff and he fears for a moment that he had screwed everything up, but then Gray stops walking to place himself just in front of him, a hand coming to his cheek for a tender caress.

"You weren't supposed to hear that," he whispers.

"But I did anyway."

"Yeah...should have known that talking with a dragon slayer around will be dangerous."

"Gray, I won't let you avoid the subject this time."

Gray surprisingly nods and comes closer to him until his forehead is resting against his.

"Alright. There's no need to repeat all the shitty excuses about why it's so difficult for me to say it right? You heard it all."

"Indeed. There's no need for this, and it's not what I want to hear either."

"I know."

Gray's hands are now cupping his face, it feels so good and so right.

"I'm sorry I couldn't man up to tell you how I feel Natsu. I should have told you how much I love you the first time you said it to me. Because I do. I really do love you Natsu."

His voice is barely above a whisper but Natsu doesn't miss a single word of it. He feels how his breath trembled, and how he's suddenly shaking. His vision is blurred but it doesn't matter. None of it matters as he finally has the chance to hear Gray's feelings towards him.

"I love you too. I love you too, Gray," is the only thing he manages to say as he wraps his arms around Gray's frame.

Everything is far from perfect and he knows they still have to talk about the fact that Gray needs to open up more and share what he truly feels instead of bottling it up, because of his fears. But right now, it doesn't matter. Right now, is everything he ever wanted.


End file.
